shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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