i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i love accidental penises.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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