she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
