we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
