im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
