Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
