I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
