Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
