singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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