Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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