just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
