That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
