You can't motorboat a personality
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
