Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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