No stitches, just platelets and will power
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I enjoy the company of your penis
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
