we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
