quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
