Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
