I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize