eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
