If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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