I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
