So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
