we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
