dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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