Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
