There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
