We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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