i wish my penis had a tongue
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
