Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
