theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
