at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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