I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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