Why are handjobs necessary in class?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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