Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
