Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
