everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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