I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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