Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
