she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sext me about skeletons
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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