Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
