You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
should my penis look like a turkey
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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