are you still at the devil's house?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
