question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
