We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize