Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
