just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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