I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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