As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize