yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just want to make out with him forever
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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