dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
