The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
