She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Text me some of your sweat
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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