I feel great
I just peed on a car
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
