I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
