From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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