Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
