wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
