I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
