i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Found your dick twin last night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
