Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
