Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
