wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
