Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
