um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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