At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
