I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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