Define "chronic" masturbator.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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